Aside from being
called mom and "the tattooed girl", I now have a new title. I am a
fiancé. I never expected to be as excited about this title as I am. I have not
exactly had the best run at the whole relationship thing. I have dated a
variety of people over the last almost 20ish years. I have dated people who were
physically abusive, mentally abusive, demanding, dishonest, controlling, and
unfaithful. That is not to say there weren't a few good ones along the way, but
that was very rare. The catalyst in all of these bad relationships was
me. I realize that now. When you feel as though you aren't deserving of
anything wonderful, you settle for whoever shows you attention, good or
bad. I can remember when I went from
feeling valuable and deserving to worthless and undeserving. I went from
being sweet and loving to hateful, and angry, oh so very angry.
The one thing that I can say changed that year is that I stopped "saving myself". I gave it away. There was no ring or ceremony, just a dark room and a boy I didn't know well enough to be sharing anything with. I think about these things now that I have a little girl. I think about what I can say or do to make her realize how important that actually is. Once it is gone you can't get it back. Ever.
I am in love now. With the most amazing person I have ever loved in my life. He gave me a ring, down on his knee. This is the man that God chose for me. My only regret is that I did not decide at a young age to trust that God had a plan for me, that God had a man just for me. It hurts my heart that I didn't wait for him.
I still don't know the right way to raise a little girl to know her worth, to know her value, and her plan, but I will continue to pray for guidance so that hopefully she will not have to experience the same kind of pain and suffering that I did.
The one thing that I can say changed that year is that I stopped "saving myself". I gave it away. There was no ring or ceremony, just a dark room and a boy I didn't know well enough to be sharing anything with. I think about these things now that I have a little girl. I think about what I can say or do to make her realize how important that actually is. Once it is gone you can't get it back. Ever.
I am in love now. With the most amazing person I have ever loved in my life. He gave me a ring, down on his knee. This is the man that God chose for me. My only regret is that I did not decide at a young age to trust that God had a plan for me, that God had a man just for me. It hurts my heart that I didn't wait for him.
I still don't know the right way to raise a little girl to know her worth, to know her value, and her plan, but I will continue to pray for guidance so that hopefully she will not have to experience the same kind of pain and suffering that I did.
Karen,
ReplyDelete" This is the man that God chose for me. My only regret is that I did not decide at a young age to trust that God had a plan for me..."
Those lines ring so true for me (except God had the perfect woman set aside for me). I want to say more, but I can't get the words right. However, I will say this: Continue to pray and walk by faith. The concerns that you have shall be answered. Just trust continue to trust in God.