the little black sun.

     I still remember my mother's reaction when she saw my first tattoo. It was a tiny little sun on my right ankle the size of a quarter. For years I never even knew how she noticed something so small and insignificant, and then I had a child of my own. I get it now. When you bathe, lotion, change, and dress another human being every day of their life you know every single mark on that body. So, back to the story...

     She was mad, or maybe hurt is a better word. I don't even remember exactly how old I was or what stage of my life, I think 18 or 19 but my memory has a ton of holes in it. I will never forget the feeling of disappointing my mom though.  We were discussing the title of my blog last night and she reminded me of why she felt so strongly about the tattoos. She never wanted them to define me. She didn't want people to make automatic judgments about what or who I was just by seeing a tattoo.

     While I think I have never let my tattoos define me, she was right about the initial judgments from others. These judgments have come in two forms. Most of the initial responses that I get now are positive. The "oh I love your ink, your tattoos are awesome, girls with tattoos are so hot, did that hurt, what do they mean" are mostly what I get from people. I have also had negative reactions, but those are pretty random and it is mostly in Walmart. Strangers would pull their children closer to them like maybe tattoos were contagious, or I was going to try and kidnap them. Some occasional bold (rude) people will actually say that I look gross or ugly, and I even got a -you are disgusting, once.

     When I walk past a mirror I sometimes have to take a second glance. I do not see myself as tattooed. In my own view of myself all of my skin is free from ink. I don't know why that is or if any other tattooed people feel that way, but I do. They definitely do not define how I view myself physically.

     The funniest misconception to me is that people somehow think I am tough because I have them.  I am actually a pretty sensitive little cry baby. Most of my tattoos are of flowers, not skulls and crossbones. That is not to say I don't have my tough girl moments, but I was also in the Army so I'm pretty sure the tough came before the tattoos.