is a dad even necessary?

I have always been one to lose myself in movies. I completely invest my feelings into the characters and laugh when they laugh as well as cry when they cry. I am an emotional person. I am even more so now that I am a mother. I was watching the movie Saving Mr. Banks tonight and found myself overwhelmed with emotion about the relationship the young girl had with her father. He was important to her. That relationship affected her into adulthood. It got my mind circling about how my relationship with my own father has affected me, and also how my daughter's relationship with her father will affect her future. 

My relationship with my father has evolved over the years into a beautiful thing. I call him almost daily just to chat with him about random things. We are very alike in a lot of ways but still find a way to respectfully disagree on others. It wasn't always like that.   My dad was the enforcer. I was a troublemaker. Looking back on my childhood it is easier to remember the punishments than the laughs. There was a lot of laughter, but as a kid I always held on the bad for some reason. The turning point in our relationship happened at about 17. I went from hating him for pulling me out of my high school my senior year and moving me across the state, to being grateful that he loved me enough to fight the fights. He loved me enough to punish me. He loved me enough to show up at a party I wasn't supposed to be at and drag me home. He loved me enough to sit on my bed and wait for me to try and sneak back into my bedroom. It was that year that I started to understand that him 'ruining my life' was really just him trying to save it. Oh, dear sweet hindsight... 

I know that there are so many people that didn't have a dad around for those things. Maybe your mom became the sole enforcer or maybe there was just no enforcing at all. A lot of men seem to think that their role in a family is unnecessary. They think that they can just send a check and have the occasional weekend and then their job is done. Then there are some that don't even do that. The special few that don't offer a single ounce of support to their child monetarily, or even more importantly, emotionally. I will never be able to understand how someone can abandon a child in that way. 

Some say that a man learns how to be a father from his own father. If their father was abusive, they will be abusive. If their father took off, they will take off. Thankfully that is proven wrong on a daily basis. Men standing up and realizing that they have been given the precious responsibility of teaching, guiding, encouraging, and yes, even disciplining, a child.

My dad's father passed away while he and his twin brother were still in his mother's womb.  How did a man that was born without a father grow to become not only the best father, but one of the best human beings I have ever encountered? 

It took me about 30 years to discover it, but I finally learned his secret. He didn't have an earthly father to mold his life after, but he did have a Heavenly Father. He loved me unconditionally, even when I was incredibly unloveable. So does Jesus. He was hurt when I made poor choices. So is Jesus. He was filled with joy when I finally decided to surrender my all to Christ. So was Jesus. 

It doesn't matter where any of us come from or who are parents are, good, bad, or indifferent. We all have the ability to call on our Heavenly Father for guidance, love, support, encouragement, and especially forgiveness. 

So, no, a dad isn't necessary, but the Father is. 

you can't pray gay away...

I had lunch with a friend today. Normally a lunch with a friend doesn't send my mind spiraling like this one did. Every time I have ever had lunch with this friend before today she was a girl, but today, she was a boy. 

I am the first to admit that it was hard to understand. This person I have loved and cared about for years isn't who I knew and loved. This was a new person. A new face. A new voice. Even the personality seemed different. Happy, but different. 

I think different is the key word in all of this. If people could just learn to accept that every single person on this planet is different than them and different doesn't mean bad, maybe  this world would be just a little bit better. 

I think I was about seven when I first kissed a girl. From that time until I was about 28 years old I lived in the proverbial closet. I didn't even know what a lesbian was back then, much less if I was one. All I knew was that I was attracted to girls and that it had to be a secret. There are very few people that knew this about me. I didn't exactly advertise it. I went to a private baptist college and then joined the Army before they implemented Don't Ask Don't Tell.  There is a look that you get when you see someone 'like you' that permits the attraction to go further. This is how I was able to keep it a secret for so long. Also, I dated men. I was never repulsed by them as I have heard others say, but I was still always drawn to women. 

After my divorce I finally decided to 'come out'. I dated my first girl. For the first time in my life, I actually walked out in public holding hands with a girl. I felt good. I felt free. Free from my secret and shame. 

After that relationship ended I was convinced that I would never date another woman. I don't know if you know this, but women can be crazy. So. Crazy. 

I was so confused. I knew that physically I desired a woman, but mentally I craved a man. 

I'm going to shift gears for a second to hopefully shed some light on some things. 

I hear this often- I don't understand why Christians are always pushing their beliefs on me, I don't push mine on them. 

I explained this today the best way I know how. Christians are called to follow the Bible. The Bible says that we are to share the news of Jesus with every one. If you aren't a Christian, your beliefs (or even a lack thereof) probably don't require you to share it with others. 

That being said, here is my biggest problem with Christians quoting scripture to or about homosexuals as a way to prove that they are wrong and are going to hell - 

If the person is not a Christian, then you quoting scripture is the same as you quoting a line from Harry Potter. It means nothing to them. NOTHING. The Bible and its teachings are just gibberish to a nonbeliever.  It all sounds like a ridiculous fairytale. 

I'm not saying it isn't true, because I do believe that it is, but that is because I have chosen (key word) to follow Jesus and believe in the Bible. I just also believe that the best way to share about the love of Jesus is to show the love of Jesus. 

People telling me that I was a sinner and going to hell is not how I found my way back to church. Loving parents that never stopped praying for me and showing me what real love looked like is how I found my way back to church. I still lived a homosexual lifestyle while attending church. I was shown love and kindness for the most part, that could be because my dad was the preacher, but I hope not. I continued to learn and understand this thing called Christianity a little bit better and eventually I made the choice to become a believer.  There's that word again. I chose it. That was a choice. 

Choose to invite someone to church instead of turning your nose up at a couple walking down the street.

Choose to bring bottles of water instead of picket signs to a Gay Pride parade.  

Choose to smile at the person going through a physical transition instead of demanding they not be allowed to use the same restroom. 

Choose to love like Jesus. 

When I surrendered my life, completely, to God, there wasn't some bolt of lighting that came down and shocked my gay away. I am still the same person. However, He did do some other things. He made His presence in my life visible. Actually, He made it completely impossible for me to deny His hand in my life. He didn't change my past. He didn't change my temptations, but He did change my heart. 

I still have a lot of friends that don't believe. That's ok. I will never stop trying to share the love of Christ with them. They know it too. We may all be different, and have different stories, and make different choices, but I was always told that you get more bees with honey.