one in five...

Just in this past week I have heard of three separate cases of child molestation in people's children that I know. Not to mention the recent cases in the news. One in five, that is how many girls have been a victim of child sexual abuse. One in five.  I can't even put in to words how utterly devastating this is to me. I have previously written about what happened to me when I was younger, but was intentionally vague as to not open up my wounds, or the wounds of those involved. I was reminded that the purpose of this blog was to open up my wounds so that they could once and for all be healed. This one is by far the one that has affected me the most in my life. So I have decided to no longer keep this secret locked in my heart. It isn't healthy, but most of all, it isn't fair. This keeps happening to our children. It needs to get out of the darkness and into the light. People need to be having real conversations about child molestation. 

I find it ironic that I made the decision that my child would never have a toy doctors kit before she was even born. If you know my daughter, you know that Doc McStuffins is her obsession. It is the only show that she will watch consistently. She has just about every toy from this series with the exception of the actual doctor tools. I refuse it. My husband has tried to convince me that it isn't healthy for me to project my issues with this onto her. She should be able to have these toys without it causing me trauma. The more we talk about it, and the more I think about it, I know that he is right. I never want my pain to prevent her joy. 

It was a very popular toy in the 80's, a plastic Fischer Price doctors kit that she used. She was a teenager, I believe about 16. I do not know if she was some sick predator, or just a confused child. I don't know if it happened to her and that is why she did it to me. I have thought about her often. Did she continue to do it? Does she ever think about it? Does she know that what she did destroyed me? Was this a one time thing? I only have the one memory. The one recurring nightmare that stole my innocence.

There was another child involved. A boy. She made us do things to each other that children should never do. She did things to us with those toys that should never be done to children.  

I'm not really sure what else there is to say about it. The rest of the details seem pointless at this stage. The only reason I am sharing this is to hopefully raise awareness. These horrible acts are still happening too often. Innocent children are being taken advantage of and I am here to tell you, they will remember. There is no real way to truly protect your child from this happening. It is being done my brothers, sisters, cousins, baby sitters, grandparents, fathers, and even mothers. Pedophiles are not going to volunteer this information. There won't be a sign around their neck that warns you of what could happen if you trust them to care for your child. Have the uncomfortable conversations. Teach your children as early as they can understand that they can always tell you anything. Teach them about their private areas and how to tell you if they are ever touched inappropriately. Most importantly, take every single claim seriously and seek help in dealing with the situation. 

You are your child's voice. You are their protector. My prayer is that our children are never assaulted in this way, but please, never ignore the signs.