I've had something on my heart for awhile now so I just have to share it.
I had a family member say something a few years ago that has stuck with me for all of the wrong reasons. This wasn't some profound key to life kind of thing, it was quite the opposite. He said something along the lines of Christians were the weakest people alive and all we do is suck on God's tit because we aren't strong enough to get through life without it.
I don't know why this hurt my feelings so badly. I was offended but not entirely because of my own faith, it was because he said it in front of my dad. The preacher. The strongest man I have ever met. He was calling my dad weak. I couldn't even speak I was so shocked by this. Now my dad is obviously unfazed by it and doesn't even acknowledge that anything was said, (you know, because he's strong...) while I'm just sitting there thinking of all of the ways to tell this guy just how wrong he is. I never ended up saying anything to him. He died this year from a drug overdose.
I often think that if maybe I had just found the right words to explain to him just how wrong he was, that maybe he would still be here. So because I never had the opportunity to share my thoughts with him, I'm going to share them here. Hopefully this can help you or someone you know understand why having a relationship with God can actually make you strong in spite of all of your weaknesses.
I've written before that quoting scripture to a nonbeliever is comparable to trying to convince someone that Harry Potter is real. It just sounds impossible. It sounds crazy. It sounds like make believe. But here's the amazing part, when you actually believe in it, it all just makes sense. It all proves to be possible. It doesn't sound crazy anymore, it sounds life giving, hope making, miraculous and freeing.
I was in church my entire life. If the doors were open, we were there. I grew to resent that. I wanted to play with my friends on a Sunday night, not be at the church for GA's or Training Union. When I was out of my parents house the last place you were going to find me was in a church. I was finally FREE! But that is actually when the chains came. I made so many mistakes in my life. If it was wrong, I tried it. If it was bad, I was good at it. I didn't find strength or freedom in these choices. I found loneliness, pain, consequences, brokenness, and I had never felt more weak in my life.
I remember very specific moments in my life where I felt like I was at the bottom and I called out to God. Help me! I can't do this anymore! I need you! Come to me!
He never came.
I stopped calling out to Him.
I just got deeper into my depression. Deeper into my sadness, brokenness, and hopelessness. It wasn't until I was almost 30 years old and was in the middle of actually trying to end my life that I was reminded of a song I grew up singing in church. I Surrender All. I had never done that. I just asked and asked for him to come to me, but I never had any intention of waving my white flag of life and turning it over to Him. I still had a life to live. Decisions to make. Stupid things to do!! Sin to enjoy! Not this time. This time I knew that I didn't need to ask Him to come to me. I needed to go to Him. Give myself to Him. Surrender. All. Every single ugly bit of my shame and brokenness. And He took it. All of it. I was washed clean, and day by day I just got stronger. Over time weakness left my mind, anxiety left my mind, fear left my mind. Those things do not get to take up residence in my head any longer. There just isn't room when it becomes filled with hope, love, trust, faith, and peace.
Peace is something that he had never known. Drugs can't allow you to have peace. They only destroy.
If you want to know what true peace feels like, it's only a simple prayer away...
